I’m so tired of putting myself in positions that I regret. I wish I would have never done what I did because I had an opportunity to love someone and be loved back unconditionally. I was trying to find this perfect person and truth is that person doesnt exist but what I had would have been the closest thing. I threw away possibly the closest thing I had to real love away and it’s been haunting me ever since. I want this guilt and pain to just go away but it won’t. I feel so guilty and nothing can redeem this. I can cry all I want but no pain has been greater than this. I wish I could rewind time. I use to like the saying ”No regrets, only life lessons” until this happened because honestly this is the only thing I regret. 12/30/11 when true love was no more.
Every time I move forward with my life something pops up from the past and confuses me about my goals and where I was initially headed. This time I am seriously breaking the cycle. I worked too hard to become semi accomplished just to start back at square one. I know my worth and what i’m capable of achieving and my focus is going to stay on that. I’m so over being abused and mistreated because I love too hard or because I constantly give people the benefit of the doubt. All I know is that life is too short and I cant afford to waste my time on anything or anyone that’s not going to help me grow or benefit me in the future.
I am an addict.
Sometimes I can’t help myself.
I lack self control and it disturbs me.
I used to be able to make myself stop but its increasingly taking over.
There isn’t anything that anyone can do so I’m stuck in this by myself.
My goal is to get it together though.
I’ll cross my fingers.
